December 19, 2014. That’s the date of my last post. It’s been 5 long years since I visit this diary of mine. I can’t write many stories due to my struggle to overcome the hardships of my beautiful life. It’s been hard. We’re no longer live in our city which once became the city of opportunity and prosperity. We were moved to another city, my homeland, which is now becoming our new hope, our future, our new perspective, our new life, which even 3000 better than the city we left behind. Why we were moved while everything seemed so bright back in 2014? Is that a question?

Well, here we go. My husband died about two years ago. The heart attack was the cause of his death. We were shocked, me and kids, off course. But it’s not because of his sudden left, it’s something else. The pain of that “certain thing”, hurt us badly. Rather than sad, we felt angry and betrayed. The tears that fell from my eyes was the tears of despair. The tears of an abandoned soul. But it’s not a bad thing.  And it sounded, felt, seemed like a butterfly spread its wings from a long hiatus where it laid as an ugly caterpillar. I’m free, that’s all I can say now. Free to choose my destiny, free to pursue my dreams. And this is what I am doing right now, right here.

I am what I am. I still dream big, want big, do the best I can….but I expect nothing. That’s my mantra. I just wanna live in the moment. Live my life. And I hope this is the life I’ve ever want. I am now no longer feel sad or in pain. I am now full of pride and confident, even though I still facing the hardships ahead, which seem like perpetual waves of challenge, but I won’t back off. Not even a step. I will move forward. My age of 43 is the number I choose to restart my existence. It’s the time to turn on the light and I will shine brightly, as bright as the sun. You just wait. I will prove it to you. It’s a promise.

I’m happy now.




December Rain


It’s been such long time since my last post. We’re just moved to new house. A lot bigger than the last one. At least, we don’t have to rent anymore. And thank God, we’re finally have a car. Even it’s an old one. The 1982 Honda Accord. We named it, MUMU. Today, a big rain come with windwhirl. Sweeping things on the street in front of our house. A tree which planted in front of our neighbour’s yard just collapse. Lucky, we haven’t plant any tree, but I’m going to. For the shake of mother earth, of course.

Wow, the year of 2014 almost reach the end. Such a short time. My oldest daughter already in 7th grade. She’s twelve now. She’s taller than me recently, even just for few centimeters. I’m so proud of her.

I want to start my own business in the beginning of 2015. It’s always be my dream to build a supermarket with handy craft things as the main product. My country full of creative people who have a lot of creation of handmade stuff. I want to collect all of it and show the world. I love my country so much, in the good and bad times.

December rain……….this is the perfect time to move forward. Even obstacles stand in our way. December rain….no rain, no wind, no people can block me from my goal. It’s a challenge to be done, an enemy to defeat, a fight to win, even we have to struggle a lot for it. I have to achieve what I’ve planned.

December rain………..rain of richness and prosperous….rain of opportunity.

Your Children, Your Crime Scene


What would you do if other parents said your child is an abuser? Would you believe it?Or you prefer to defend yours and refuse that accusation? Well, think again. Your children is your crime scene. People can trace evidence of your crimes all over them, through the way a child speak either to equal age or older than them, the way they look other, they way they walk or run, the way they wave their fingers, even they way they smile.

So, be careful. Listen before you argued. Children don’t need much, just great example from their parents.

New Beginning


This day such a bright, beautiful and sunny day. Full of enrichment.We, the moms that join a group of parenting and kids club call Lovely Parenting and Kids Club, held a seminar talking about bullying to children. There’s so many things we can learn from a well known education expert, Wiwik Yuwono,Psi. She said that children must grow in their own comfortable way, so that would not be a missing link in their life. Never push a children to do things beyond their age, because when they’re grow and find out that they’re much ahead than their classmates and being treat so special by teachers and parents, a seed of bullying just being planted.How come? Children who treated special, have a tend to underestimate people around them.

Children who so focus in academic role,  sometimes forgetting the need of affection they should get in their childhood. When their upper ordinate (like parent and teacher) push them to do best to be the best, they only say yes. But they will losing the  normal growth time  they should spend in some part of their life. They will have a revenge to the person or institution that bully them.

“Do the best to get better,”said an energetic 71 years old phsycologist.

The Meeting


I’m so excited. Today I meet a group of moms that concern about child education. We came from a vary background, but have similarity in one issue. We agree to named our club LOVELY Parenting and Kids Club.  It founded with the touch of love and care to our kids. We try to break the lack of communication between school board and school committee, so we can work together,side by side, on behalf of our children. Not much to talk about, but we have an event that will held on 14th April,2012. Hope that everything just on the right track.

“There’s no formal education to become a parent.We’re all still learning. Success or not, nobody can’t measure it. We’re only can try to do the best we can,”said our leader, Rini Munandar, a former journalist.

She’s right. I totally agree. There’s nothing better but a great picture of fine generation than ours. What a perfect day to spend!

Are You Happy With Me?


My husband asked me earlier today. Simple question, a lot of thought of answer.  Why? Because I didn’t know what to answer. I mean, we’ve been married for 11 years and so far we keep faithful to each other. We have three beautiful, wonderful, talented, smart, kind and loving children (actually we have four, but my third son already past away). We still look each other like the first time we met. We communicate so well and put trust on highest place on our relationship, we’re just like bestfriend!

So I said to him,”I think I’m happy. Because I married the man I love, I have wonderful children I always dream of, I laugh a lot and I never worry about future.Why you wonder?”

He lifted up his forehead,”You think you’re happy?”

“I guess”

“But we’re not rich. We’re still rent a house, we don’t have a car, we don’t have much money and I can’t give you the life that every woman want. You don’t have new clothes to wear, don’t have leather bag, don’t have nice shoes, you even don’t have make up kit. I don’t believe it”.

Wow, incredible to see what a man think about happiness. Measure it with belongings? I think I knew my husband. But who knows what inside the mind?

So I said,”I know a lot of women want things to make them happy. But woman’s heart just like a deep dark well, nobody know what’s in it,even myself. But I know you love me and I’m feel happy with it”.

He told me,”I don’t love you. I just have to marry you”

“Mee too. I don’t regret”

“I don’t regret too”

Then we were laugh so loud. And another time goes by without much thought of it. Is it wrong to live day by day one step at the time? We’re human, don’t we?