December 19, 2014. That’s the date of my last post. It’s been 5 long years since I visit this diary of mine. I can’t write many stories due to my struggle to overcome the hardships of my beautiful life. It’s been hard. We’re no longer live in our city which once became the city of opportunity and prosperity. We were moved to another city, my homeland, which is now becoming our new hope, our future, our new perspective, our new life, which even 3000 better than the city we left behind. Why we were moved while everything seemed so bright back in 2014? Is that a question?
Well, here we go. My husband died about two years ago. The heart attack was the cause of his death. We were shocked, me and kids, off course. But it’s not because of his sudden left, it’s something else. The pain of that “certain thing”, hurt us badly. Rather than sad, we felt angry and betrayed. The tears that fell from my eyes was the tears of despair. The tears of an abandoned soul. But it’s not a bad thing. And it sounded, felt, seemed like a butterfly spread its wings from a long hiatus where it laid as an ugly caterpillar. I’m free, that’s all I can say now. Free to choose my destiny, free to pursue my dreams. And this is what I am doing right now, right here.
I am what I am. I still dream big, want big, do the best I can….but I expect nothing. That’s my mantra. I just wanna live in the moment. Live my life. And I hope this is the life I’ve ever want. I am now no longer feel sad or in pain. I am now full of pride and confident, even though I still facing the hardships ahead, which seem like perpetual waves of challenge, but I won’t back off. Not even a step. I will move forward. My age of 43 is the number I choose to restart my existence. It’s the time to turn on the light and I will shine brightly, as bright as the sun. You just wait. I will prove it to you. It’s a promise.
I’m happy now.